"Tak nak kawan" is sometimes used as an act of bully

Tak nak kawan

which means

I don't want to be your friend,

is quite often used by preschool kids as a threat. They use the phrase to get things they want even though what they want are not morally or ethically right. For example:

1) They want someone else's belongings.

2) They want to cut a queue.

3) They don't allow their friends to do certain things, and many more.

These are examples that my daughter experienced at her school. She is six and used to be threatened with "tak nak kawan" phrase when she did not give in to their demands. She was certainly upset with the situations. The situations were:

1) A liked my daughter's hair accessory and wanted to have it. My daughter said no. A then threatened her with the phrase. My girl freaked out and gave the accessory to her.

2) A wanted to sit next to B who was sitting next to my daughter. A asked my girl to move because she wanted the seat. My daughter said no. A then threatened with the phrase. My girl freaked out and moved, giving the seat to her.

My husband and I do not like this. We told her to not give in to demands like these. We taught her defense mechanism to handle these kind of situations. We told her that if the same situations happen again, always say no because she has right to keep her things and she has right to say no to things that she doesn't want to do (as long as it is morally and ethically right). We told her that she can respond to "tak nak kawan" situation by not submitting to the demands and say "I am fine by it", "Okay, I will find another friend", or "Okay, then we are no longer friends".

After a few days, my daughter told us that her friend used the phrase again because the friend wanted her seat. She then said no and "Fine, fine. I'll find another friend". Good job, kiddo! A different friend used the phrase too on the following day and she dealt with it. Since then, she did no longer complained about "tak nak kawan" situations. We asked her a few times and she said, her friends stopped doing that to her anymore. 

So, it works well and she is now happier. Most importantly, now she knows and understands her right. 

aisyar.

Welcome back, self!

I always like writing. I started writing during my elementary years. I wrote a few short stories and showed it to my Malay Language teacher. Her comments were not encouraging enough but she did say that they were good. Thinking about it now, I understand the nature of her reactions. I came from a rural area. During that time, I think we, the village people did not know much ways to praise, compliment, inspire, or anything synonymous to the mentioned acts.  My parents too, they didn't praise much back then. In fact, they are still the same today. Praising, inspiring verbally, are not just their way of life. On a side note, I stopped writing when I was twelve.

Then, I went to a boarding school. There, most students read novels. Typical Malay novels that tell typical Malay love stories. I will never ever read those kinds of novels now. But, yeah, back then, I loved those. I was kind of motivated to write again because of those love stories. I started writing again. I wrote short stories about love. All stories are about teenagers fall in love but I set different settings and mood for each. However, I stopped writing again after four years. I am still keeping those stories. All are handwritten and kept in a box at my parents'.

I think the reason why I stopped  again because I lost interest in writing. But, after a few years studying language and literature, I began writing again. I wrote poems, thoughts, and notes. I bought a book and wrote whenever I had idea.

And then, in 2008, it was the era of blogging. I started blogging and enjoyed it very much. At first, I wrote only poems. A few of my Literature lecturers told us that writing is good for our mind as it allows us to express our thoughts without boundaries. It allows us to be creative, nurtures and expands the growth of our idea. I was more into writing after I enrolled for a master's program. I started to think differently. I would say I became more mature, open-minded and I felt wiser. I planned to always write but I stopped again after getting a full time job.

Then, the social media booming era; we have Facebook, Twitter, and many other sites. I posted my thoughts on Facebook occasionally until I was diagnosed with this illness. I had to take a break from social media as I felt overwhelmed with things people post. It was only recently, I felt like writing again. It happened when I thought of reading my poems and after that, I felt inspired.

So, here it is! Welcome back, self! I want to write again. I have evolved in so many ways and I think that's my writing going to be, very different than before.

aisyar.